


Letters to Mom

by riyakataria



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Other, tw depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7598758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riyakataria/pseuds/riyakataria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura writes letters to her mom when she can't seem to figure out how to feel happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Mom

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea, and I immediately had to write it down. I hope you like it!

“Hey creampuff, you said you wanted me to review the first draft for your Lit class?”

“Jesus, Carm, you are an angel.”

Carmilla looked up from the stack of papers she was sorting through and gave Laura a half-smile. 

“No problem cutie. Now where is it?”

Laura pointed to the general direction of a pile of notebooks as she grabbed her coat. 

“Somewhere in there, I think. I'm really sorry, but I think Kirsch is having a breakdown or something, so I have to go help him out.”

Carmilla waved goodbye as she started sifting through the stack of books. As she looked through each one, she started thinking of Laura. 

They'd met on the first day of college. Laura hated Carmilla, and was even more frustrated when she found out that Carmilla was her new roommate. However, as time went on, they'd developed something that was close to friendship. Of course, Carmilla thought ruefully, I had to screw it all up and catch feelings for her. 

Carmilla hadn't told Laura. She was too afraid that Laura would take it in the wrong way. So she kept quiet and tried to enjoy Laura's company as much as she could. 

Carmilla shook her head as she came back to reality, starting to look through the books again. One book in particular caught her attention. _Laura's Diary. Do not touch!!!!!! (this means you Dad!)_

Carmilla smirked as she touched the cover of the bright pink spiral-bound book. Should she follow Laura's directions and put it back like a good roommate would? Or should she completely disregard any concept of privacy for 10 minutes of fun?

Carmilla opened the notebook and say back on Laura's bed, resting her head on the yellow pillow. 

_Dear Mom,_

Carmilla furrowed her brow when she read the top line. She knew Laura's mom was dead. Was this how Laura tried to cope with the sadness? Carmilla continued reading. 

_Today's the day! I'm graduating from high school! I know, your little girl all grown up. Dad actually said something like that._

_I wish you were here to see it. You would've liked my prom dress. And the plans for the graduation ceremony. But I like to think you're still watching._

_Also, I got into Silas! Their journalism program is one of the best in the world! I can't wait ‘till I meet my roommate. I bet we'll be great friends from the start._ (Carmilla snorted) _Anyway, I better get going. I miss you… I love you!_

Carmilla turned the page, smiling at the previous entry. Laura really hadn't changed in the past nine months. 

_Dear Mom,_

_I'm about to get on the plane for Silas. Dad can't come. His health isn't doing so great._

_I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm supposed to be excited. I mean, the whole college experience! But… I don't really feel anything._

_I'm sure it'll pass. But I just wanted to say hi and tell you that I love you! I'll write to you when I reach there._

Carmilla bit her lip and frowned slightly as she turned the page again. Was Laura okay?

_Dear Mom,_

_I met my roommate today. She's broody and gorgeous and dark and annoying and I hate her already. She doesn't call me by my name, and she makes all these flirtatious comments. I can't stand her._

_But college is okay so far. I made some friends, Perry and LaFontaine. I hope they're dating, or I've lost all faith in love. There's also Danny, who's kinda cute, and I think she likes me._

_Classes are pretty good. They're not too hard. It's okay here, I guess._

_But I'm not feeling anything at the moment. It's kind of… blank in my head. The only emotion I've felt lately is anger, and that's at Carmilla. Is that normal?_

_I love you, and I miss you._

Laura's problem was starting to get serious, and Carmilla was getting worried. She continued reading. 

_Dear Mom,_

_So Carmilla and I made up a month ago. It was around New Years’, and I think we both wanted a fresh start. So we've been acting halfway decent to each other._

_Dad’s been in and out of the hospital. His legs aren't working too well._

_Perry and LaFontaine are doing good, and I'm pretty sure Laf is going to ask Perry out soon. Danny… I'm not into her anymore. Anyway, I think she has a thing for Kirsch, a God-honest dude/bro._

_Mom, I'm scared._

_I just feel so angry and sad and empty and I don't know what to do. I just hate myself. Sometimes, I just want to die._

Carmilla looked up, shocked. This entry couldn't have been from more than a week ago. She kept reading, now with more urgency. 

_I was on the roof of a 12-story building the other day, and all I could think about doing is jumping. Mom, I don't know what to do._

_The only thing that helps is Carmilla. Mom, she makes me feel something. Something that isn't so dark than the rest of me. But to her, I'm just another girl._

_I love you Mom, and I really wish I was with you, wherever you are._

Carmilla took a shaky breath. Laura… holy shit, Laura. She's been feeling this way ever since her and Carmilla were roommates. And Carmilla didn't notice anything. 

She felt tears running down her face, and then heard a door opening. 

“Hey Car- _Carm_!” Laura rushed over to Carmilla as she saw the tears on her face. 

“Carm? What's wrong?”

Laura held Carmilla close as Carmilla sobbed into her. Soon, she pulled away. 

“Laura, I never noticed.” 

“Never noticed what?” That's when Laura saw the pink diary next to Carmilla. Laura went pale. 

“Carm, tha- that's nothing. It's j-just a story I'm writing. Fo-for Lit class.” Laura weakly tried to stutter a response out. 

“Cupcake, we both know that's a lie. You've been feeling this way since the beginning of the year?” 

Laura slowly nodded, and was taken by surprise as Carmilla wrapped her in a hug. 

“Laura, you don't deserve to feel this way. You're sweet, you're kind, you get excited over the smallest things, you're lovable, and definitely one of the best people I know.”

Now it was Laura's turn to cry. She didn't know how much she needed that reminder, and the fact that it was from Carmilla, her _Carm_ , made it so much better. 

Carmilla held her close as Laura continued crying slowly. Then, Laura looked up at Carmilla, and Carmilla looked down, and then they were kissing. 

They didn't know who kissed who first, or what it meant. All Laura knew was that this felt right, this felt safe. All Carmilla knew is that she had finally found someone that she would stay with. They stayed with their bodies pressed together for a few more seconds, and slowly pulled apart. 

“Cupcake?”

“Yeah Carm?”

“We're going to put that notebook to some use.”

\---

_Dear Mom,_

_It's been three months since I last wrote to you. I've been using this notebook for a while though. Carmilla's been taking me to this group, couples, therapy thing. Basically, it's group therapy, only you can bring a friend. Girlfriend._

_I've been getting better. I've started to feel… content again. Carm told me that she hasn't heard me sing like I did yesterday for the past few months._

_Carm and I have been dating for the past three months. Actually, our three-month anniversary is coming up soon._

_I just wanted to say hi. I hope everything is good up there. I love you._

_Dear Mom,_

_I just introduced Carm to Dad, and he loves her. They've been making fun of me for being short, though. But I love them both._

_It's been six months for Carm and me. Wow. She told me she loved me._

_I said it back._

_I miss you._

_Dear Mom,_

_We graduated! I have a degree in journalism and Carm has a degree in philosophy. I've got a job in New York all lined up, and Carm is opening a bookstore near our apartment. That's right. Our apartment._

_Technically, we've lived together for some time, but now it's official. We bought a nice apartment in Bronx, and we'll be moving there after the summer._

_Dad’s health is doing much better. He got out of his wheelchair, and he's on crutches right now. They're not sure what happened, but it seems to be leaving._

_I wish you were here Mom. I miss you so much._

_Dear Mom,_

_Carmilla proposed._

_I still can't believe it. She took me to Times Square at night, and she had somehow managed to get the words ‘Laura, will you marry me?’ onto one of the giant signs in Times Square. Then she got down on one knee and made this amazing speech and I was crying and I said yes!_

_The ring has this amazing emerald. It's as green as your eyes used to be._

_But now we have a wedding to plan, and we've got to go to LaFontaine and Perry’s wedding too. What I'm trying to say is between the weddings and the honeymoon and the fact that we’re going to try to adopt, we’ll be busy. I'll try to write soon, but just in case I can't, I'm just going to say this now:_

_I love you so, so much. I miss you, but I love you._

_Your daughter,  
Laura Hollis-Karnstein _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Leave kudos and comments if you did. 
> 
> Check out my other fic, Learning to Fly. I should have an update up in the next week or so. 
> 
> Check me out on Instagram @riyakatariax !
> 
> Thanks!


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